Let me tell you what I see.

Yesterday, she was deep in the weeds planning Roman’s formula like she was running a home-based chemistry lab—clipboard in hand, precision scales out, like some kind of suburban Walter White but with more onesies and fewer felonies.

Six bottles lined up. Distilled water only—because even the filtered tap doesn’t meet her standards. Weighing out grams, checking scoop discrepancies, calculating the feeding plan down to the hour so it would sync with the sleep training schedule.

She does this not because she’s trying to be perfect, but because she can’t stomach the idea of falling short. Of doing less than what her gut tells her is best.

Even now, with Roman sleeping through the night, she’s still up. Alert. Her mind scanning for the one thing that might go wrong.

When Guilt Moves First

And then there’s Izzy—our boundary-testing, full-sprint middle child—who seems to have a sixth sense for locating whatever nerve Jenn has left by the end of the day. Some days it really does feel like life is intentionally surfacing the exact wounds she’s working to heal.

That’s her biggest battle: not being able to control all the variables.

Not because she needs power—but because deep down, when something goes sideways, her nervous system jumps to the conclusion: “It’s my fault.” That sense of guilt moves first. And then her mind tries to make sense of it. Fix it. Solve the un-solvable. Because that’s safer than sitting in uncertainty.

But I’ve seen the shift.

She’s starting to recognize that not everything is hers to fix. That her need for resolution often masks a deeper need for emotional safety. That she can hold herself—and all of us—in love, even when she doesn’t have the answers.

She’s learning to forgive herself. To pause. To feel. And most of all, to remember that even when things are messy, it doesn’t mean she’s failed.

What Most People Don’t See

Jenn is the coordinator of every doctor visit. She fills out every form, follows up on every bill, and doesn’t let things fall through the cracks—not even the little ones. If a product doesn’t work as advertised, she gets the refund. If there’s a weird exception hidden in the system, she’ll find it—and use it—to take care of her family.

She’s even managed to earn quiet exceptions in places where policy is usually ironclad—things that technically follow the rules, but aren’t commonly extended. It’s a testament to the way she mixes warmth and precision. People want to help her because they feel seen by her, and because she does the work to make it easy to say yes.

The bedtime routine she runs is surgical. The girls get washed and scrubbed, lotioned and conditioned. Every diaper is checked and double-checked. The pajamas are always clean, the sleep sacks zipped just right. And when they’re down, she resets the whole space.

Every. Single. Night.

Surfaces are scrubbed. Toys are put away. Dishes are done. Tables are cleared and chairs flipped over so the floor can be vacuumed—or mopped. She treats the tub like a surgical suite. I’ve seen her dry tile grout as if water itself is a biohazard. And I know at least one other person who gets it—shoutout to my brother-in-law—but still, it’s next-level.

She does laundry like it’s a science. Cleans out the washing machine drum on schedule—she follows the maintenance cycle religiously, making sure it never builds up grime or gets that musty smell most people ignore.

The kids’ outfits are packed in labeled Ziplocs—marked by name and occasion: extra outfit, swim stuff, Tuesday outfit. It’s the kind of clarity that makes teachers and caregivers visibly relieved when they unzip the bag.

And now that she’s unlocked the power of ChatGPT? There’s no stopping her.

Her True Power

But Jenn’s power goes way beyond logistics.

She’s a visionary. She doesn’t just dream—she manifests. She once made a list of 50+ qualities she wanted in a husband (yes, I’ve seen it), and by some miracle I check most of the boxes. That’s not luck. That’s clarity. That’s her.

She has this gift—this transmission—that makes you feel what she believes. When she’s aligned, her energy fills the room. Her love isn’t always soft or quiet—but it’s fierce, and focused, and deeply protective.

And no, she’s not fully letting me in yet. But I see the desire in her. I see her doing the work. And if the day comes where she feels safe enough to fully open, I know what’s waiting on the other side will be something sacred.

What She Really Needs

So no, she didn’t tell me what she wanted for Mother’s Day. But I think I know what she needs.

To be seen.

To be reminded that she’s not failing when things feel chaotic. That she doesn’t have to fix everything to be loved. That her power is bigger than perfection.

I love you, Jenn. I see you. I believe in you. And I’m proud of the woman you’re becoming

When it comes to parenting essentials, I’ll admit: I’m not the most invested decision-maker. My wife, Jenn, is the Sherlock Holmes of product selection—methodically researching ingredients, tracking sales schedules, and consulting trusted voices like Raising Well Kids on Instagram (if you’re not following her, you’re missing out). Meanwhile, I’m usually lost in thought about “bigger” problems, like why we’ve been lied to about nutrition for decades or if ChatGPT could figure out what’s for dinner and resolve a toddler meltdown at the same time.

But when Jenn says something is worth it, I listen. And after four years of stocking up during Tubby Todd’s Black Friday sales, it’s clear this brand has earned her seal of approval—and, by extension, mine.

Top-Notch Ingredients (Almost)

One of the reasons Jenn gravitates toward Tubby Todd is their commitment to clean, family-friendly formulations. Their products are free of most harsh chemicals and designed to be gentle on sensitive skin. That said, Raising Well Kids, has never promoted them—possibly due to one ingredient that could be an irritant for some.

It's a rare hesitation from Jenn, but here's the thing: every single person she's recommended Tubby Todd to has loved it. Our sister-in-law, who doesn't even have babies, tracks the same sales so she can stock up on products she loves. No one's come back saying, "This didn't work for me." It's a Tubby Todd family affair at this point, which should tell you something about how good their stuff is.

The Products We Keep Coming Back For

If you’ve been a parent long enough, you know the drill: the endless trial-and-error of baby products that are just okay. Some diaper creams are impossible to clean off. Some body washes leave skin feeling drier than before. And some products smell like they were formulated in a lab, not a nursery.

Tubby Todd breaks the cycle with thoughtful, well-made products that do what they’re supposed to—and then some. Here’s what we’ve tried and loved:

• Diaper Paste: The gold standard for diaper rashes. Easy to clean off, effective on sensitive skin, and free of that weird lingering residue. It’s a bit pricier than drugstore brands, but Jenn swears the peace of mind is worth it.

• All-Over Ointment: This is their cult classic, and for good reason. It’s a thick balm that works wonders on dry patches, eczema, and anything else that leaves you scratching your head (literally or figuratively).

• Dream Cream: Jenn originally bought this for her hands, which were cracked and dry after our first kid. It’s a thick, luxurious lotion—not ideal for everyday all-over use in warmer months, but perfect for hands that need some extra care.

• Body Wash: This one’s a staple in our household. Jenn loves it for its gentle feel and Lavender + Rosemary scent (more on that in a second), and even I’ll admit it smells way better than anything I’ve ever used.

• (S)undercover SPF 50 Sunscreen: Surprisingly solid, with the added bonus of Jenn’s mom loving it. That’s high praise in our house.

The Lavender + Rosemary Effect

If Tubby Todd has a signature, it’s their Lavender + Rosemary scent. It’s nostalgic, calming, and just…better. Jenn says it smells like the best parts of the newborn phase without the exhaustion, and it’s one of the few scents she hasn’t gotten tired of using over the years.

Even I’ll admit it’s great, and I’m not usually one for body wash reviews.

When to Stock Up

One of the reasons we’ve been able to try so much from Tubby Todd is Jenn’s ridiculously strategic approach to their sales. Here’s the scoop:

• Biggest Sale of the Year: The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Tubby Todd offers 25% off for exactly one hour. After that, the discount drops to 20%, lasting through early December. If you're thinking, "Great, I'll mark my calendar," well…you're going to need a 2025 calendar. That ship has sailed for this year (and I'm sorry for being that guy who tells you about a great deal after it's gone).

• Other Sales: They occasionally have shorter flash sales or collaborations with brands like Sesame Street or Winnie the Pooh, but Jenn swears by the Black Friday event for stocking up.

If you’re serious about getting the best deal, you’ll want to set an alarm. Jenn does, and she hasn’t missed a sale yet.

Customer Service That Actually Cares

Here’s something you don’t see often: Tubby Todd’s customer service is just as good as their products. Jenn once ordered a hair detangler for our daughter, only to realize it wasn’t working for her hair type. One quick email, and they refunded her with zero hassle—no return necessary. It’s the kind of experience that makes you feel like the company actually cares, and it’s a big part of why Jenn keeps coming back.

A Little Discount for You and Plenty of Bubbles for Jenn

If you’ve been thinking about trying Tubby Todd, here’s a little something to make it easier: use our referral link to get 10% off your first purchase. Plus, we’ll earn some bubbles (Tubby Todd’s fun rewards points), which Jenn will definitely put to good use restocking our favorites!

Click here to check it out:

Get 10% Off Here

A Quick Survey

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted here, and I want to hear from you. Jenn’s love for Tubby Todd was an easy way to jump back into writing, but I’d love to know:

Why Jenn’s Right (Again)

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have the patience to dive into the fine print of every product we buy. But Jenn’s dedication to finding the best isn’t just about avoiding diaper rashes or finding the best-smelling body wash—it’s about setting a standard for quality in our home.

And while I still prefer to keep my decisions simple (hello, grayscale wardrobe), Tubby Todd has become one of those rare brands I genuinely appreciate. It’s thoughtful, reliable, and exactly what you’d hope for when it comes to your family’s essentials.

Share Your Favorites

What are your favorite family essentials, and how do you decide which brands to trust? Leave a comment or send me a message!

The big irony is that in this podcast 👆, I talked about wanting to create more, yet it took me four months to publish it. It's also stale because Jenn is back on Instagram! The hope she’ll be able to continue to use in a life-giving way.

In the meantime, here are some updates that life has given us:

Amazing Neighbors

We’re starting to feel a sense of community. Brooklyn, the mom of the family next door, welcomed us with home-baked cookies, like you see in the movies, and even did a photo shoot for us that we'll cherish forever. Our "neighbors" from our Church community have been amazing as well, gifting us incredible food experiences and even babysitting so we can have date nights!

Visitors Galore

We’ve had visitors! My good friend from college, whom I hadn't seen in over a decade, visited us. We've also hosted family, including Jenn’s cousin with her three boys, who aren't used to the snuggles Izzy gave her. We’ve also got more family on the way in about a week! Exciting times.

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Parenting: R&R (Rituals and Routines)

Parenting is all about R&R – Rituals and Routines! Jenn, my Superwoman, manages a constant barrage of therapies and doctor appointments for Izzy. Every Saturday, Jenn gets to sleep in while I take the girls for overpriced cake pops and sometimes crash (free!) community events like the Easter one with bounce houses, egg hunts, and face painting. Austin is great!

Sisterly Love

Emmy and Izzy are becoming true sisters. Their love/hate relationship is captured in a cute video from children’s church. Emmy is generally sweet but sometimes takes out her resentment on Izzy, who asserts her dominance by pinching and hitting whenever she can. Their interactions, though sometimes chaotic, bring moments of peace and fulfillment.

Izzy's Milestones!

Izzy turned 2! She's such a cuddler and has officially stopped flipping us the bird. Her brain scans are stable, with some seizure activity detected only during sleep. Izzy can now walk, which is a glorious development. It gives us a break when we're outside, though her leg support gear is a challenge to manage.

She also has a lazy eye! The girl came equipped with some extra maintenance required. Her cochlear implant costs more than our car! Despite the unrelated eye issue, the optometrist hoped glasses would help, but now she needs to wear an eye patch for 30 minutes a day for six months. Funny story: the opthamologist initially prescribed patching the wrong eye, but we caught it after a few days. That would have been a disaster!

Emmy's Triumph

She’s still intensely relational, and thankfully, her focus has turned more toward connecting with others. She no longer gravitates only to older kids who take care of her but now has at least three "best" friends her own age. A few months back, we pulled her out of her pre-k program due to some school drama, but she didn’t miss a beat and is thriving. Emmy conquered her fear of tall slides and always makes mommy envious of her hair color.

We’d love to hear from you! Drop a comment with your own heartwarming updates or recent experiences. Whether it's a new milestone, a funny story, or just a moment that made you smile, we’d love to hear about it and catch up with you.

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I know it might be a tad late for New Year wishes, but hey, if you're the type who decks the halls before Thanksgiving or keeps the Christmas lights twinkling till February, I'm sure you won't mind a belated greeting. Let's bask in some post-holiday grace together, shall we? 😉

Family Updates: Izzy and Emmy's Latest Antics

Here at the Rogers' residence, we're buzzing with excitement for 2024. First off, a quick family update:

Izzy's journey continues to amaze us every day. Her latest antics include blowing kisses and whispering "shhh, shhh" in the most adorably excited way – it just melts my heart. Plus, we're eagerly awaiting her new ankle brace (orthotic), fingers crossed that it brings us a step closer to her walking.

And Emmy, oh boy! She's not even three and a half, yet she recently rattled off her wish list for her 10th birthday (talk about planning ahead!). Here's a sneak peek:

• Earring holes with butterfly earrings in various colors

• A 'big girl' car seat that she can "just fall out of"

• A sleeve tattoo like Uncle Justin and an elbow tattoo like Mommy (yep, you read that right!)

• A bra, paired with a "big shirt"

Kids, right? They sure know how to light up our world with these little surprises.

Dieting as a Duo

In other news, Jenn and I have embarked on a diet journey together! This is a first for us in a long while. Usually, I'm the lone wolf on the diet front, cooking separate meals, and sadly watching others enjoy their feasts. But doing this as a team? It's a whole new ball game. Less about resolve and more about solidarity in the face of tempting ice cream!

Professional Life: Building Dreams

On the professional front, I'm still riding the 'technically unemployed' wave, but there's good news. The projects I've been nurturing are gaining momentum, and I'm hopeful that this will be the year I get to do what I love most: building things with the people I adore. This journey started about seven years ago when I left my comfy gig at Reebok. I’m choosing to believe 2024 will be our year!

Resolutions: Are They Still a Thing?

Now, here's something I'm curious about:

I haven't done NY resolutions in a while in a while, and I suspect I'm not alone. Did you know the failure rate for resolutions is a whopping 91%? And get this – "National Quitters Day" is tomorrow, meaning pizza places are about to hit the jackpot 😂.

Jenn and I stumbled upon a cool alternative – a Goal Bingo card, or perhaps, a Bingo Vision Board. It's a fun way to gamify our aspirations. We're creating a joint board – one-third family goals and the rest personal. I promise to share our board by the end of the month – hold me accountable!

New Podcast Episode Alert!

And speaking of exciting developments, we've got a brand new podcast episode! It's been over a year since Jenn and I first toyed with the idea behind this episode. Every baby announcement, every request for baby gear advice, every time we ponder gifts for new moms, we've wished we had a go-to list. And guess what? This episode marks the beginning of that list. It's a compilation of our top parenting gear, tried and tested in the Rogers' household. Do check it out:

The List and Links to Our Must-Have Parenting Gear from the Podcast:

1. Travel Food Scissors 🍴

   • Why We Love It: Snip-snap meal prep on the go! Perfect for quick, fuss-free food cutting.

2. Tush Baby Carrier 👶

   • Why We Love It: A literal lifesaver for arms. It's like a comfy throne for your little one.

3. Slumber Pod 🌙

   • Why We Love It: Makes room-sharing a dream. Goodbye, sleep disruptions!

4. Disposable Placemats 🍽️

   • Why We Love It: Mess-free eating anywhere. A game-changer for restaurant outings with kids.

5. Branch Basics Cleaning Products (get $10 off) 🌿

   • Why We Love It: Non-toxic, multi-purpose, and super effective. Clean without worries!

A Big Thanks to Our YouTube Community

Last but not least, a huge thank you to those who've been engaging with us on YouTube. Your comments mean the world to us, and I'm making an effort to reply to each one. Sometimes YouTube's notifications play hide and seek, so I apologize if I've missed any. Keep those comments coming – they truly make our day!

That's all for now. Here's to a year of more grace, giggles, and growing pains for us all!

Warmly,
Brandon (and Jenn, Emmy, & Izzy too!)

In this latest installment, we delve into various aspects of our recent experiences and the things we're especially thankful for. Here's a quick rundown of the main highlights:

• Moving to a New Home: The big news! We've transitioned from our apartment to a new, much more spacious home. It's a significant upgrade from our previous living spaces in Seoul, Maui, and New York.

• Our Gratitude List:

  • The Roomba Vacuum: Our new “family member” that helps manage the cleanliness of our Texas “mansion”. [Affiliate Link]

  • Pellet Grill from Z Grills: My new favorite gadget, adding a tasty twist to our family meals. [Affiliate Link]

  • Portable Massage Gun: A surprisingly powerful, posh, and ultra-portable, life-saver for Jenn. [Affiliate Link]

• Special Needs Parenting: We share our journey of raising Izzy, our special needs daughter, celebrating her milestones, and embracing the unique challenges and joys it brings.

• Reflecting on Personal Growth: This move has been about more than just a physical transition; it's been a journey of self-discovery and growth for both of us.

• Appreciating the Little Things: From the simplicity of receiving packages at our doorstep to the joy of having our own backyard, we've found happiness in the small details of our new home.

So, there you have it – a sneak peek into the latest from our lives.

What have been your highlights this holiday season? We'd love to hear about the moments or things that filled your heart with thankfulness. Drop us a comment and let's share in the joy of gratitude together!

Until next time,

Brandon (& Jenn!)

What's more, I had a deeper realization that this approach with Emmy was a reflection of how I treated myself. I learned this behavior growing up, but it really hasn't served me at all. In fact, all that repression tends to leave me paralyzed or turning to destructive habits. It's been an eye-opening understanding that's helped me see how these patterns not only affect my parenting but also my own well-being.

I was amazed to see Jenn empower Emmy to set a boundary about yelling. The look of restored confidence on Emmy’s face tells how much kids crave autonomy. I also learned young children already have an innate moral compass - shaming is never the answer, even if we think it’s an expedient teacher. We are committed to trying our best to let Emmy fully express her frustrations, so she can process those feelings in a healthy way.

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While I tend to be impatient, Jenn taps into Emmy’s imagination to turn chore time into playtime. Racing to the bathroom or pretending there’s a silly monster helps Emmy cooperate without constant control. I default to thinking that “more direction” was better parenting. Now I see that kids thrive when they lead play, rather than just following orders.

Your Playful Challenge

As a logical dad, I never realized how vital play could be. But small tweaks have transformed my perspective. Tapping into imagination and giving kids more autonomy will probably surprise you as well.

Bringing playfulness into parenting doesn't just benefit the children; it brings new life to the whole family and even ourselves as adults. Play is more than a child's fun; it's a necessity for creative thinking and even somehow helps us hold an eternal perspective in our lives by not taking things too seriously. What a Godly paradox!

Tune into Grace, Giggles, & Growing Pains hear more about the insights that have changed my outlook, and to realize the importance of play, not just for your kids but for you as well.

I challenge you to think about how you can add more play to your life. Leave a comment below sharing your thoughts or plans.. let's learn from each other!

Maui needs your help.

Our trusted Maui friends are on the ground covering what’s happening and actively working to provide relief. Click the button below to follow along and donate. Every little bit helps.

Click Here to Support Maui

When we decided to leave Korea for Maui back in 2017, we were stepping out in faith, knowing that God had called us to this new chapter. We were ready to embrace the “internet lifestyle”, connect in deeper ways, and create content that could change lives.

What we didn’t expect was just how difficult the next few years would be. As we shared in the podcast, that time on Maui was “an undoing for us”. We lost ourselves, our direction, and even our faith in many ways. There were certainly joys amidst the struggles - like getting pregnant with our daughters Emmy and Izzy. But so much of our time there was clouded by a constant chaos that left us burnt out and depleted.

Navigating Life's Complexities: The Dance of Grace, Truth, and Growth

It’s often when we lose everything that we’re able to find our true selves. As Jesus said, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” While our experience on Maui wasn’t what we envisioned, it forced us to re-examine what really matters in life.

As we navigated the chaos, we were forced to internalize a concept we had only understood in theory: the profound importance of balancing grace and truth. Shame, guilt, and condemnation held us back in profound ways during that season. At the same time, there were difficult lessons we needed to learn about business, priorities, and creating content with intention. The sensitivity required to give and receive feedback in a way that lifts each other (and ourselves!) up is so nuanced. It's the sensitivity we're still working to develop.

While the last 6 years have held more valleys than mountaintops, we feel we’ve grown in our ability to tap into love and the eternal in each moment. God continues to refine us through this parenting journey and stretch us in new ways. We hope that by sharing our story - wounds and all - we can encourage others in their seasons of undoing. There is meaning and growth to be found when we surrender fully to the process.

An Open Invitation

We know it's been years since our last update, and we're grateful to those of you still willing to hear our story after so much time has passed. Our updates can easily get buried on YouTube, so we wanted to reach out directly to give closure to anyone wondering what happened since our days in Korea.

While our new focus is on parenting, many of the same elements that resonated with our audience back then will carry through - like encouraging community, sharing insights, and promoting growth. We’d love for you to continue on this journey with us if our new direction speaks to you. And if not, we totally understand and encourage you to unsubscribe so we don't clutter your inbox.

The timing of this episode and the request to catch up couldn’t be better. We’re in a season of rediscovering our purpose and would love your participation through comments on YouTube or our new website. Our goal is to build an active community of people navigating life’s changes together. We hope you’ll stick around as we share all aspects of this parenting endeavor. Please reach out - we’d love to hear from you!

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As we reflect on this significant milestone, filled with equal parts gratitude and heartache, we felt it was an opportune time to recap our journey.. chronicling Izzy's ongoing battle, our shared fears, hard-fought victories, and our immense gratitude.

Whether you've been with us since that fateful day or you're just now joining us, we appreciate your interest, care, and support. This post serves as a testament to Izzy's resilience, our family's story, the power of community, and most of all God’s sovereignty.

We hope it provides insight, encouragement, and strength to others who may face similar battles in the future. It's been a hell of a year, but also one filled with profound hope and resilience.

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A Nightmare Unfolds

It began on an ordinary day when Izzy woke up from her nap. But this time, something was off. Izzy, who was a terrible sleeper, woke up lethargic after an extraordinarily long nap. She was also unusually unresponsive. We quickly decided to head to urgent care, because calling 911 seemed dramatic for what appeared to be a tired baby with a fever.

On our way, Jenn placed an ice-cold beverage can next to her cheek. Izzy didn’t even flinch. We panicked. We immediately pulled over into a vacant parking lot and called for an ambulance. At this point, we were dangerously racing against the clock… but we didn’t know it at the time.

We later found out that in these critical scenarios, a spinal tap is generally the go-to diagnostic tool for very young babies, but Izzy's age was right on the cusp of this guideline. Tragically, the initial ER doctor missed the diagnosis completely. Izzy was given Tylenol, and she suggested that we stay at the hospital so she can be monitored “just in case.” If only this doctor had attempted a simple neck lift—a detail we were painfully oblivious of at the time—perhaps things would have been different.

Mercifully, things changed drastically with the arrival of the shift change doctor. This godsend of a woman recognized the signs and jumped into action immediately. She ordered the spinal tap and was told that it was likely viral or bacterial meningitis. Viral is the most common type and most get better without treatment. Bacterial meningitis is rare and devastating with some patients dying in a matter of hours.

By the time the specific strain of meningitis was identified, Izzy was already in the throes of horrifying seizures. Her body was fighting a desperate battle against the infection. When the treatment finally started, she was standing at death’s door. Her heart and lungs labored relentlessly against the disease, but this desperate fight came at a heavy cost. The buildup of lactic acid from her exertion further poisoned her bloodstream, causing her body to shunt and teeter on the brink of multi-organ failure.

In the wee hours of the following morning, the room swelled with doctors and nurses, all rallying together to save our little girl. Izzy was cocooned in a terrifying web of medical technology. Tubes sprouted from every conceivable orifice—seven at any given time—including a femoral line and an array of IVs. A mesh of EEG electrodes clung to her tiny head, monitoring her brain activity to get the seizures under control. To aid her battle, they put her into a medically induced coma, hoping it would give her fragile body the respite it needed to mount a stronger fight.

When Hope Falters

After a brief period of calm, the day of Izzy's MRI arrived. I clung desperately to the hope that the damage hadn't reached her brain.. that we could contain this destructive force.

When the doctor walked in with worry etched deeply on her face, my heart sank. When the words the doctor spoke, “Izzy *will* be a special needs child,” shattered my world into a million pieces.

In the silent solitude of our hospital room's bathroom, I locked myself in, burying my face into the cold, hard floor. The grief was suffocating, a tidal wave of raw despair crashing over me at the thought of a future stolen from our precious Izzy.

I learned later from the nurses that based on the MRI, they feared Izzy to be a "total care" baby, or a "vegetable," as it's harshly referred to sometimes. It was a devastating blow.. one we never saw coming.

A Rocky Road

Yet, in this storm of despair, we found a silver lining. Izzy became alert and started tracking us, her eyes following us like tiny beacons of hope. It was a small measure of comfort, a faint glimmer of light at the end of a dark tunnel.

But the battles were far from over. While she was no longer experiencing pronounced, physically evident seizures, subclinical seizure activities persisted…imperceptible but still present. Alongside this, she also battled fevers, persistent coughing, and general discomfort. We even had to confront pneumonia.

Then, another scare came our way. It was pointed out that Izzy might have suffered a stroke, causing damage to the inner structures of her brain - a terrifying possibility, with implications far more severe than we had initially understood.

We seemed to have dodged a bullet on this one as it either 1. wasn’t what it seemed in that initial MRI or 2. the damage was so minor that it seems to be of no consequence.

[This video was our first time holding our baby in 9 days. It was incredibly difficult with all the wires]

Small but Significant Victories

There was a period of uncertainty after Izzy came off the ventilator when we didn't know if she would be able to nurse again. Nursing, contrary to what one might assume, requires complex coordination – a skill that we feared Izzy might have lost. Also, there were worries about potential aspiration due to her weakened condition.

To our relief and joy, Izzy proved her resilience once again. She picked up nursing with surprising ease, surpassing our cautious hopes. During an X-ray test to check for aspiration, she was given a pretty gross solution to drink from a bottle. With surprising gusto, she chugged it down greedily and showed no signs of aspirating.

Amid all this turmoil, Izzy kept on surprising us with her strength and spirit. She was smiling, cooing, eating, and sleeping - all while her left hand/arm motor control and neck strength were visibly affected.

The Final Hospital Twist

Given the extent of her brain damage, the doctors warned us of a rare risk of empyemas - walled-off pockets of pus and infection on her brain, untreatable by IV antibiotics. If they developed, it would require brain surgery. Brain. Surgery.

At the end of Izzy's scheduled four-week course of antibiotics, the MRI scan we thought would clear us instead threw us into another pit of worry. They found spots that they suspected were empyemas which meant extending Izzy's stay for two more weeks of antibiotics and close monitoring. Once again, we found ourselves in a daunting wait-and-see situation.

In what was perhaps the biggest sigh of relief, the suspected empyemas turned out to be hygromas (pockets of fluid). After this final scare, we were more than ready to leave the hospital and take Izzy home.

The sight of those MRI scans, knowing a third of Izzy's brain was dead tissue, continued to haunt us. But Izzy's strength and progress kept going.

The Echoes of Silence

When we finally brought Izzy home, we felt a profound sense of relief. The constant activity and relentless clamor of the hospital machinery were replaced by the familiar comfort of our home. It felt like we had closed a chapter on the most terrifying ordeal of our lives. We were encouraged by the knowledge that the plasticity of a baby's brain is remarkable, allowing it to bounce back from adversity in ways we adults could never imagine.

Izzy's coos were music to our ears. Every time a loud noise elicited a startle from her, we took it as further evidence of her intact hearing. This is a big deal since hearing loss is a pretty common complication of bacterial meningitis.

So, when it was time for her formal hearing test, we approached it with optimism, seeing it more as a formality that would only confirm what we believed to be true.

The results hit us hard. Izzy was completely deaf in her right ear. We grappled with a reality we had not prepared ourselves for. Even her left ear, while it showed normal readings, was far from safe. Doctors warned us that if her cochlear had sustained damage during her battle with meningitis, it might still be undergoing ossification, putting her at risk of losing hearing in her left ear too.

This was a punch to the gut. The clock was ticking and we were racing against it, yet again. If Izzy's right cochlear ossified completely, inserting the electrode needed for a cochlear implant would become impossible. We had to act swiftly. On November 7, 2022, just a few short weeks after this discovery, Izzy underwent cochlear implant surgery.

The surgery was successful, but the emotional toll was heavy. It was particularly devastating for Jenn, who wrestled with feelings of resentment for months. The optimism that had buoyed us in the first few weeks after leaving the hospital gave way to a profound sense of unfairness. It felt as though our hopes had been snatched away just as we were beginning to dream again.

Yet, amidst the grief and disappointment, Izzy continued to surprise us. She started hitting developmental milestones, including a hand-to-hand transfer, reminding us of her resilience and extraordinary ability to adapt.

Despite the loss of her hearing, Izzy was growing, developing, and most importantly, she was happy. She continued to fight, and we, inspired by her strength, fought alongside her, taking each day as it came.

Chasing Progress

As 2022 drew to a close, we were grappling with a significant hurdle: finding quality therapy for Izzy. This search was laden with roadblocks at every turn. It seemed that each avenue we ventured down was either ridiculously congested or alarmingly subpar. The process was punishing, filled with soul-sucking phone calls, protracted waiting lists, perplexing insurance paperwork, and a consistent gnawing of anxiety to get help quickly.

It was amidst this turmoil that, around Christmas, we received an unexpected gift. Jenn's brother and sister-in-law, fully aware of our struggles and Izzy's pressing needs, gifted her a spot in a highly-esteemed, intensive therapy program. The program was renowned for its effectiveness but was nearly always fully booked due to its popularity.

Located in Fort Worth, Texas, this program was a substantial four-hour drive from our home in Austin. The therapy was grueling, testing Izzy's physical boundaries to the utmost. She cried every day, each session stretching out for an agonizing hour.

Despite this, as parents, were committed to giving Izzy every opportunity to thrive. We willingly drove those extensive miles, ready to witness her tears if it meant she would receive the best care possible.

A week into the program we were thrown another curveball. Izzy experienced infantile spasms - a rare type of seizure with potentially devastating long-term consequences. Witnessing this was horrifying, and the fear was exacerbated by the knowledge that these seizures could cause Izzy to lose the hard-won progress she had made and increase her risk of autism and further cognitive delays.

Izzy’s neurologist immediately introduced steroids to Izzy's regimen, and we surprisingly got the green light for continuing at the intensive. It was a tough decision because we were worried the stress may have triggered these seizures. And the steroids caused Izzy to be ravenously hungry, and very irritable so there wasn’t much rest even outside of the therapy sessions. We remained steadfast in our commitment to Izzy's health and continued her therapy. Mercifully, Izzy experienced her final spasm (to date) on the drive back home from intensive.

After this terrifying start to the year, Izzy’s many improvements have blown us away. After the round of steroids, we continued to steadily wean her off the seizure medicines, and she took her last dose almost precisely ten months after she was admitted to the hospital. Her most recent overnight EEG still showed some seizure activity (or discharges), but her neurologist described it as the "best results we could hope for."

In the Eye of the Storm

That didn’t mean we were done though. We had a very oddball challenge with regard to Izzy's vision. It was an unexpected development, given that both Jenn and I have good eyesight.

This discovery came about through a serendipitous chain of events. The doctor who had performed Izzy's cochlear implant surgery recommended scheduling an eye exam, even though vision impairment isn't typically associated with bacterial meningitis. We followed through with his advice, not expecting anything significant to come of it.

However, to our surprise, we found out that Izzy had poor vision in both of her eyes. The result was as confounding as it was unanticipated. Vision impairments in children her age are usually undetected as they are often difficult to diagnose until the child is older. So, in a sense, Izzy was both fortunate and unfortunate. Fortunate because we discovered her condition early, enabling us to intervene and support her immediately, but unfortunate because she had to face yet another challenge at such a young age.

But Izzy, our little champion of chaos, took this challenge in stride and astonished us; she acclimatized to her new glasses in just a single day. We told that most young children take around 2 weeks to adjust.

One Day at a Time

Since my last update, which you can find here, Izzy’s crawling skills are blossoming, each day bringing her closer to the freedom of unassisted exploration.

However, the waiting game persists, a constant, quiet nagging in the backdrop of our everyday routine. Beyond her developing motor skills, we're oh-so curious about how these experiences are shaping her cognitive development.

This journey has been a profound lesson in grace, in accepting the rhythm of life with all its unexpected ebbs and flows. The outpouring of generosity for Izzy's GoFundMe has been nothing short of miraculous, proving to us that when we are faced with challenges, people respond with unbelievable kindness.

We’ve grown so much. We've become more discerning about distinguishing our will from God's will. We are learning the delicate art of surrender. We've come to recognize that we have a resilience within us that's capable of weathering even the harshest of storms. And now, through mediums like the podcast, Grace, Giggles and Growing Pains, and this new platform, we can share these tales of growth and transformation.

Looking ahead, we have a special date marked on our calendars. Six weeks from now, a year after Izzy's discharge, we'll be visiting the hospital that was once a home to us. We plan to reunite with the selfless healthcare heroes, the nurses and doctors, who played a crucial part in Izzy's journey. It will be a celebration of how far we've come, and we hope to deliver a token of our appreciation for the healing hands that once nurtured Izzy.

So, here we are, navigating life's winding path one day at a time. Every challenge we face is a testament to a loving Father who showcases our resilience in Him, and every victory a testament to the Grace that guides us. And through it all, we learn, grow, and share our stories and some giggles (hopefully), with all of you.

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